Momentary Mistake of Sanity-Chapter 3- GAMES CHILDREN PLAY-August/ September 2000

GAMES CHILDREN PLAY-17/8-2/9/2000

My life has been such a whirlwind ever since
Ever since you came back
I’ve been running around in circles in my mind
And it always seems that I'm the one following you
‘Cos you take me to the places that alone I'd never find
But after you take me there, you leave me stranded
Lost without guide or directions of any kind

My most honest and deepest feelings
I have placed in front of you
All the corners of my heart
Were reflected and opened to you
I showered you with the dreams
Which I wished you could help me weave
But instead you ‘ve thrown everything away
From your hands I watched them fall apart

All the nights that I miss you
All the nights that never seem to end
All the times that I've called you
Only needing a friend
Needing someone that ‘s
Different then others that’s why I look for you

Now your eyes no longer shine with beauty
As they used to do before
Maybe you ‘re tasting the dark side of love
You can never change what in his heart is inscribed
Even tough your spirit is strong
You couldn’t be more then wrong
Will you ever find your way home?
I might be saying this because it’s the same here
My contacts are guilty ones, just for fun
But these women whom I can’t say are mine
Lead me to see just one sign…

Guess the truth is that I love you
I can't say any more
Maybe it is because I always did
But I haven’t realized before
Yes I want you
Yes I need you
Yes I love you

As I look from my window
To the streets where you stand
I am gazing through dark glass
Were we can't walk hand in hand
Though your friends try to tell me
About what ‘s impossible but you defend
What keeps my heart from your heart
Don’t make it look like it’s the end

Start believing that
this is not the way I wanted to be
Keep on smiling keep on laughing
Even tough deep inside you just wanna cry
You are expecting too much
From somebody who about you doesn’t give a f…

If you needed somebody
Have feelings for anyone
It ‘s not the way that I need you
It can’t be like what I feel inside

If I could hold you tonight
It would last me forever
But the time is never right
Or it might be, that is
What you want to put in my sight
When we will be together?
If I could make you understand
What you are doing to me
It is a crime of the heart
Maybe there will come a time
When you realize what for you I have deep inside
I believe that you are the meaning of my life
If I could manage to show you somehow
The meaning of my true love

I tried not to look for you
But I know where you are
And it’s only me that suffers when I try to hide
I think of you
And I think again
Every where I go
There is only you
In my mind ,my heart ,my soul
I want to get to know you more
Maybe because I want to get to know myself better
If we‘ll ever be together
What we can share
Even ‘tough you take it for granted
It is something that makes others jealous and despair

‘Cos I know that your worlds is also mine
That’s the reason why
How come you think it won’t work
That can’t be, what it can be
Soften your heart it’s for your own good
Don’t look at me with just your mind
Together we can make it magic
We can do whatever we desire
If the light one day you see
It is only me who can
Make you see life in a brand new way
I ‘ll lead you to the only steps
That can elevate you higher
So why don’t we please
Stop playing childish games
And don’t tell me it’s not my business anyway
I know we both cry and we don’t know why

Momentary Mistake of Sanity-Chapter 3- F.W.A-August/ September 2000

F.W.A-17/8-2/9/2000


I was always on the cooler side
chasing love away
love was something for manic fools
just a game people love to play
but now, how can I deny my heart
what I feel right now I can’t explain
got no choice I feel I went too far
how come the look in your magic eyes
reflect the image of my life
there is nothing I can hide
they just leave me without control

Every thing I do, every place I go
reminds me of the days we spent together
but now all I see in the visited places
are empty heart and cold faces
I have to go again, just a rendez vous
to every corner we have been in
maybe to create once again the atmospheric dream
maybe it is the radiation or a certain chemistry
just to feel the good feeling you used to breathe
or that something special that I still can’t figure out
that you have in you ,that switches me on
so please stop treating me bad, I only wanna live your life
so if you want nothing to do with me
switch off the life support
and set me free

You left no space in my heart ,body and mind
to fall in love with someone else
I can never stop from showing what I really feel for you
if you could only believe and at least appreciate
the feeling I have for you is something more than love
and the mask I’m wearing is bothering me too much
I’m not like that it’s not my character
how come you don’t want me as a friend?
that ‘s all I wanted to be
someone that’s always there for you
but the cold attitude you shower
make it hard to reach you
talk to you ,make it belief
you make it hard on me to pay attention and care for you
since every thing about me feels a joke to you
and when I tell you I love you why do you have to laugh
not appreciating anything about isn’t already hard enough
I never tought that this is the way it had to be
so both of us have to struggle uphill again

You have to do what ,must be done
you ‘ve got to fly
were your feelings are forbidden
when the things that you will hold
will break down in your fingers just like dust
keep throwing love to all the strangers
wasting it in the wind
and you dance in dark alleys
just to see what you might find
leaving nothing to interfere
with the crazy side of your mind
fooling ourselves
that’s something we are both good at

you know how I don’t like doing it
so why did we have to go fishing that day?

Momentary Mistake of Sanity-Chapter 3- Could it be ,a candle in the rain?-August/ September 2000

Could it be ,a candle in the rain?17/8-2/9/2000

The sun is dying and with it dies the day
my heart tell me that I should meet you
come and hear what you have to say
but my mind trips me
it’s the worst situation that it could ever be

You want to let others see you as an emotional free
but I’m more than sure that deep inside
for true love is what you only seek
the whole truth is that I would love to hold you
feel your beating heart and be with you
until we both see the sun rise again
but now look how you want it to be
why do you have to make it feel like a touch without a feel?
like a ship without a captain or a steering wheel

I can see the tears rolling down from your eyes
when you are alone in the dark
I know how hard you try
how he's playing with your emotions and hurting you
there s no need to longer hide
I know how it is I feels, that’s why my heart sympathize
and I avoid to criticize,
Lady, I don’t wanna let you down
I just wanna lead you on
I don’t wanna hold you back
from the only place were you belong
that’s next to me, maybe one day you finally realize
and you, you would never ask me why
why now my heart is so disguised
but the truth is that I just can’t live a lie
anymore , it’s a difficult task
holding on to a mask
you know I would rather hurt myself
then ever make you cry

It is not a matter of bugging
you are just afraid to face it
that I might be telling the truth
I was only looking for a complication
and I found it in you
I agree with you when you say time will tell
and be careful it might happen to you
will you ‘ve coins left to throw in your wishing well

If you want to start living
all you have to do is come for it
you don’t have to cry out loud
you will never find a love like mine
no one can love you as good as I.
I can’t feel what I feel in you
no woman ever made such a chaos in my life
turned my whole world upside down

still you make it feel the same
why don’t you make it easier on yourself
there s always me you can blame
one look into your mirror it reflects a love in vain
I know that if he ever holds you it still feels cold and so it will remain
hearts can change, especially when it’s just a dream
it is hard to keep a candle burning in the winter rain
you tried for long to kill the pain.
crushes come and go, naive idea of yours
you never stopped to think about it
you love to let the most important factors slip away
one day he will teach you how to run and hide away
and you have to start to learn
that you can take all the time and all the energy
but you can never say that he is really yours

you better stop walking in the rain
stop living time on your own
stop living days all alone
there s no bond the distance is too far
it’s hard to mend a broken heart, ask me
when you opened it and let an alien mess with it
now you can understand that friends intentions where never meant to hurt you.
They were meant to stop you from falling to deep

So please don’t leave me with just one word in my mouth
don’t lead me to just say, goodbye
and leave me thinking
there nothing else to try
I’m sure that this will hurt us both
we can’t live without each other’s love and affection
showing each other direction
we are each others guiding light.

Momentary Mistake of Sanity-Chapter 3- It‘s a man’s world-August/ September 2000

It ‘s a man’s world 17/8-2/9/2000
They say it’s a men’s world
but as far as I can observe
you have taken control and dominated mine
you took control of my heart and you re humiliating it in your hands
I feel my eyes wet and red
and are more than aching me
I have to look for them, I forgot were I put them
oh yes I know were I left them
they are still looking at you
while counting every grain of the time sand
which is falling slowly with every tick of the clock
I think you are tired now
you ‘ve been running for too long in my mind
it might be because you are one of a kind
look at me here I stand in front of you
the man that you have created and now destroying
in my opinion it is crazy how you want to say goodbye
before even thinking of saying hi
you know what's the best option
but you keep gambling with our emotions
and turn everything down
I made you an offer that you will be dumb to refuse
but you only enjoy knocking it down
I wonder why both of us intoxicate each other
to the point of burning out?
If you don’t have any feelings for me, never say the truth
still I think I have enough love for both me and you
you look at love as a weakness not a choice
you see yourself as fallen and that’s a guilt trap
and when you are downhearted and struggling for a reply
when you feel that there is no way out
just believe in the power of love, deep inside of me
you know I always be around
you deny yourself life ‘normal’ pleasures
you wrestle your life
you think you have the will power to steer your destiny
but you can’t figure out what regret really means
I’m not asking you to fall head over heels for me
all I’m asking is to get to know me ,share together some time
I’m sure you will find the world you have always been looking for
and you are more then welcome to come in
it might be that falling for you was my biggest mistake
was it your fault? but now that you know
you get pleasure from making me creep
I just want to start easily and then see were it might lead
I will leave you always more than free that’s the way I love you to be
what I ask for is some attention and care
you say that I better wane it down
but the feeling I have for you is too strong
that even if I want to, I can’t stop, I can’t quit
maybe it’s caused by the mixed emotions that you make me feel
maybe it is because now I realize that you are living a broken dream
you’re the one who stole my everything, it’s in you
you have become the biggest part of me
the only problem is that I don’t know how this part work
even tough I read the manual more than once
just look at me all you see is an empty space
it‘s the space where you belong and should live
I’m the make up artist so I know what’s good on me
I try but I can’t succeed to mask the pain and hide what I don’t want you to see
now I’m starting to understand your feelings, unfeasible solution
don’t push your love to far ,remember wounds always leave a scar
you see I’m still trying to heal mine
but you are the captain of your mind
if only those feelings were felt for me
who am I to doubt what you feel inside?
maybe if you listen closer to your heart, shed down the vanity this love you might fancy share
so I leave it in your hands
I trust you know what’s the best thing to do for you
I think we should both stop being pleasantly numb
you are my only mystery, that I’m looking forward to solve
you’re the beginning and the end of me
and I only wanna be what you want me to be
and I can’t let you go and leave it like nothing ever happened
There was a time when I knew what I was living for
but now I m living for something I can’t longer resist
your hypnotizing eyes put me in a position
I can never stop expressing myself even ‘tough
I told you everything I could possibly say ,
in fact there are no words left inside of me
but your obstinacy still lead us to nowhere
one day you will regret the actions you are acting now
why do you 've to remain cold to me so long
I want you, I need you there ‘s no way that I m gonna stop
and you will never run out of my heart
even tough the word caring back is not in your dictionary
still I will remain wanting you all my life
you set the storm and left me in my stormy weather
even tough there ‘s time you never unpacked your bag
life is easy but you tend to make it so complicated
I didn’t mean to fall in love
I want to subscribe to you
I want to be adopted by you
feeling the way I do is a drag
it s so amazing when I see your photo you still warm my heart
you are my first and worst love
I just want you to know you stole my heart
even tough you see me with other girls, don’t think I don’t think of you
I hope he doesn’t hurt you like you are hurting me
I hope he doesn’t treat you as bad as you treat me
you have always been an orphan when it comes to love
but you know I treat you like a woman
what after all you have always deserved
and I wonder why you never believe what I have to say
I wonder how you trust perfect strangers more then you trust me
are you wrong in giving your love to an impossible thing??
and am I wrong to hold on to the best and worst feeling I ever had
just saying I love you doesn't compare to what I'm feeling inside
just let me give you what you have been longing for
you know that if I can ,I share with you all the time you like
I want to give you an intellectual, spiritual, physical love
enthusiasm, fire and an intensity which is larger-than-life
something which you never had and if it isn’t for me
I’m more than sure you will never have
day after day ,night after night
working out the slip of the way
I can fight the aching ness inside
what more can i say ,why do you have to turn me away?
I just want to be a part of your life
I don’t want to say goodbye, I just can’t let you go
I want to be your solid connection, a loyal partner I’m tired of living non-existing loves
you know I never tell you a lie
I never let you down, you are loosing the opportunity
you know that I am the only one who can give you
an overdose of love but you still don’t understand what love means
so you will never understand how it really feels
until you let me in your life
you are just amazed by attractions ,how much will it last?
am I wrong to fall so deep in love with you
I ‘ve got others depending on my love too
am I wrong to hunger for the gentleness of your touch
I’ve got others who need me just as much
but I don’t care about the others they are only stepping stones
it ‘s now that I realized that it’s only you I love
just let me know cos I don’t want to wait in vain for your love
but please don’t answer my questions with questions
I’m only looking for a miracle in my life
and for me the miracle is you
I’m sleeping with other women
but all I have in my mind is you
making love to them but I feel like I am making love to you
and so I start to kiss them from head to toes
and make them bring the woman in them
until they plead me to stop
I do it cos I feel that I’m doing it to you
I ve got masters in your satisfaction
I don’t want to stop pleasing you
I do anything, try everything
as long as it drives you to the seventh heaven
until I put you aflame with desire
nothing can stop the urge of passion
until the bed goes on fire
and then we take it slow let the feeling grow
until it overflow just let me know
how to give you everything you dream of
and I only want to do it in the name of love
take all the time needed and more to scrutinize
your body ,mind and heart.
and I’m tired of all this superficial, jealousy-ridden unions I want to dedicate my everything
to just one lady and the privileged lady is you
until then even tough its only water
my friend lie in the bottom of a glass
but never worry about the state of my heart
as long as you are happy I’m happy as well
I know I love you cos I want you to be happy
even if your happiness means that I’m not part of it.
I am ready to sacrifice all that you have left of me
just to have you close to me