Momentary Mistake of Sanity-Chapter 3- GAMES CHILDREN PLAY-August/ September 2000

GAMES CHILDREN PLAY-17/8-2/9/2000

My life has been such a whirlwind ever since
Ever since you came back
I’ve been running around in circles in my mind
And it always seems that I'm the one following you
‘Cos you take me to the places that alone I'd never find
But after you take me there, you leave me stranded
Lost without guide or directions of any kind

My most honest and deepest feelings
I have placed in front of you
All the corners of my heart
Were reflected and opened to you
I showered you with the dreams
Which I wished you could help me weave
But instead you ‘ve thrown everything away
From your hands I watched them fall apart

All the nights that I miss you
All the nights that never seem to end
All the times that I've called you
Only needing a friend
Needing someone that ‘s
Different then others that’s why I look for you

Now your eyes no longer shine with beauty
As they used to do before
Maybe you ‘re tasting the dark side of love
You can never change what in his heart is inscribed
Even tough your spirit is strong
You couldn’t be more then wrong
Will you ever find your way home?
I might be saying this because it’s the same here
My contacts are guilty ones, just for fun
But these women whom I can’t say are mine
Lead me to see just one sign…

Guess the truth is that I love you
I can't say any more
Maybe it is because I always did
But I haven’t realized before
Yes I want you
Yes I need you
Yes I love you

As I look from my window
To the streets where you stand
I am gazing through dark glass
Were we can't walk hand in hand
Though your friends try to tell me
About what ‘s impossible but you defend
What keeps my heart from your heart
Don’t make it look like it’s the end

Start believing that
this is not the way I wanted to be
Keep on smiling keep on laughing
Even tough deep inside you just wanna cry
You are expecting too much
From somebody who about you doesn’t give a f…

If you needed somebody
Have feelings for anyone
It ‘s not the way that I need you
It can’t be like what I feel inside

If I could hold you tonight
It would last me forever
But the time is never right
Or it might be, that is
What you want to put in my sight
When we will be together?
If I could make you understand
What you are doing to me
It is a crime of the heart
Maybe there will come a time
When you realize what for you I have deep inside
I believe that you are the meaning of my life
If I could manage to show you somehow
The meaning of my true love

I tried not to look for you
But I know where you are
And it’s only me that suffers when I try to hide
I think of you
And I think again
Every where I go
There is only you
In my mind ,my heart ,my soul
I want to get to know you more
Maybe because I want to get to know myself better
If we‘ll ever be together
What we can share
Even ‘tough you take it for granted
It is something that makes others jealous and despair

‘Cos I know that your worlds is also mine
That’s the reason why
How come you think it won’t work
That can’t be, what it can be
Soften your heart it’s for your own good
Don’t look at me with just your mind
Together we can make it magic
We can do whatever we desire
If the light one day you see
It is only me who can
Make you see life in a brand new way
I ‘ll lead you to the only steps
That can elevate you higher
So why don’t we please
Stop playing childish games
And don’t tell me it’s not my business anyway
I know we both cry and we don’t know why

Momentary Mistake of Sanity-Chapter 3- F.W.A-August/ September 2000

F.W.A-17/8-2/9/2000


I was always on the cooler side
chasing love away
love was something for manic fools
just a game people love to play
but now, how can I deny my heart
what I feel right now I can’t explain
got no choice I feel I went too far
how come the look in your magic eyes
reflect the image of my life
there is nothing I can hide
they just leave me without control

Every thing I do, every place I go
reminds me of the days we spent together
but now all I see in the visited places
are empty heart and cold faces
I have to go again, just a rendez vous
to every corner we have been in
maybe to create once again the atmospheric dream
maybe it is the radiation or a certain chemistry
just to feel the good feeling you used to breathe
or that something special that I still can’t figure out
that you have in you ,that switches me on
so please stop treating me bad, I only wanna live your life
so if you want nothing to do with me
switch off the life support
and set me free

You left no space in my heart ,body and mind
to fall in love with someone else
I can never stop from showing what I really feel for you
if you could only believe and at least appreciate
the feeling I have for you is something more than love
and the mask I’m wearing is bothering me too much
I’m not like that it’s not my character
how come you don’t want me as a friend?
that ‘s all I wanted to be
someone that’s always there for you
but the cold attitude you shower
make it hard to reach you
talk to you ,make it belief
you make it hard on me to pay attention and care for you
since every thing about me feels a joke to you
and when I tell you I love you why do you have to laugh
not appreciating anything about isn’t already hard enough
I never tought that this is the way it had to be
so both of us have to struggle uphill again

You have to do what ,must be done
you ‘ve got to fly
were your feelings are forbidden
when the things that you will hold
will break down in your fingers just like dust
keep throwing love to all the strangers
wasting it in the wind
and you dance in dark alleys
just to see what you might find
leaving nothing to interfere
with the crazy side of your mind
fooling ourselves
that’s something we are both good at

you know how I don’t like doing it
so why did we have to go fishing that day?

Momentary Mistake of Sanity-Chapter 3- Could it be ,a candle in the rain?-August/ September 2000

Could it be ,a candle in the rain?17/8-2/9/2000

The sun is dying and with it dies the day
my heart tell me that I should meet you
come and hear what you have to say
but my mind trips me
it’s the worst situation that it could ever be

You want to let others see you as an emotional free
but I’m more than sure that deep inside
for true love is what you only seek
the whole truth is that I would love to hold you
feel your beating heart and be with you
until we both see the sun rise again
but now look how you want it to be
why do you have to make it feel like a touch without a feel?
like a ship without a captain or a steering wheel

I can see the tears rolling down from your eyes
when you are alone in the dark
I know how hard you try
how he's playing with your emotions and hurting you
there s no need to longer hide
I know how it is I feels, that’s why my heart sympathize
and I avoid to criticize,
Lady, I don’t wanna let you down
I just wanna lead you on
I don’t wanna hold you back
from the only place were you belong
that’s next to me, maybe one day you finally realize
and you, you would never ask me why
why now my heart is so disguised
but the truth is that I just can’t live a lie
anymore , it’s a difficult task
holding on to a mask
you know I would rather hurt myself
then ever make you cry

It is not a matter of bugging
you are just afraid to face it
that I might be telling the truth
I was only looking for a complication
and I found it in you
I agree with you when you say time will tell
and be careful it might happen to you
will you ‘ve coins left to throw in your wishing well

If you want to start living
all you have to do is come for it
you don’t have to cry out loud
you will never find a love like mine
no one can love you as good as I.
I can’t feel what I feel in you
no woman ever made such a chaos in my life
turned my whole world upside down

still you make it feel the same
why don’t you make it easier on yourself
there s always me you can blame
one look into your mirror it reflects a love in vain
I know that if he ever holds you it still feels cold and so it will remain
hearts can change, especially when it’s just a dream
it is hard to keep a candle burning in the winter rain
you tried for long to kill the pain.
crushes come and go, naive idea of yours
you never stopped to think about it
you love to let the most important factors slip away
one day he will teach you how to run and hide away
and you have to start to learn
that you can take all the time and all the energy
but you can never say that he is really yours

you better stop walking in the rain
stop living time on your own
stop living days all alone
there s no bond the distance is too far
it’s hard to mend a broken heart, ask me
when you opened it and let an alien mess with it
now you can understand that friends intentions where never meant to hurt you.
They were meant to stop you from falling to deep

So please don’t leave me with just one word in my mouth
don’t lead me to just say, goodbye
and leave me thinking
there nothing else to try
I’m sure that this will hurt us both
we can’t live without each other’s love and affection
showing each other direction
we are each others guiding light.

Momentary Mistake of Sanity-Chapter 3- It‘s a man’s world-August/ September 2000

It ‘s a man’s world 17/8-2/9/2000
They say it’s a men’s world
but as far as I can observe
you have taken control and dominated mine
you took control of my heart and you re humiliating it in your hands
I feel my eyes wet and red
and are more than aching me
I have to look for them, I forgot were I put them
oh yes I know were I left them
they are still looking at you
while counting every grain of the time sand
which is falling slowly with every tick of the clock
I think you are tired now
you ‘ve been running for too long in my mind
it might be because you are one of a kind
look at me here I stand in front of you
the man that you have created and now destroying
in my opinion it is crazy how you want to say goodbye
before even thinking of saying hi
you know what's the best option
but you keep gambling with our emotions
and turn everything down
I made you an offer that you will be dumb to refuse
but you only enjoy knocking it down
I wonder why both of us intoxicate each other
to the point of burning out?
If you don’t have any feelings for me, never say the truth
still I think I have enough love for both me and you
you look at love as a weakness not a choice
you see yourself as fallen and that’s a guilt trap
and when you are downhearted and struggling for a reply
when you feel that there is no way out
just believe in the power of love, deep inside of me
you know I always be around
you deny yourself life ‘normal’ pleasures
you wrestle your life
you think you have the will power to steer your destiny
but you can’t figure out what regret really means
I’m not asking you to fall head over heels for me
all I’m asking is to get to know me ,share together some time
I’m sure you will find the world you have always been looking for
and you are more then welcome to come in
it might be that falling for you was my biggest mistake
was it your fault? but now that you know
you get pleasure from making me creep
I just want to start easily and then see were it might lead
I will leave you always more than free that’s the way I love you to be
what I ask for is some attention and care
you say that I better wane it down
but the feeling I have for you is too strong
that even if I want to, I can’t stop, I can’t quit
maybe it’s caused by the mixed emotions that you make me feel
maybe it is because now I realize that you are living a broken dream
you’re the one who stole my everything, it’s in you
you have become the biggest part of me
the only problem is that I don’t know how this part work
even tough I read the manual more than once
just look at me all you see is an empty space
it‘s the space where you belong and should live
I’m the make up artist so I know what’s good on me
I try but I can’t succeed to mask the pain and hide what I don’t want you to see
now I’m starting to understand your feelings, unfeasible solution
don’t push your love to far ,remember wounds always leave a scar
you see I’m still trying to heal mine
but you are the captain of your mind
if only those feelings were felt for me
who am I to doubt what you feel inside?
maybe if you listen closer to your heart, shed down the vanity this love you might fancy share
so I leave it in your hands
I trust you know what’s the best thing to do for you
I think we should both stop being pleasantly numb
you are my only mystery, that I’m looking forward to solve
you’re the beginning and the end of me
and I only wanna be what you want me to be
and I can’t let you go and leave it like nothing ever happened
There was a time when I knew what I was living for
but now I m living for something I can’t longer resist
your hypnotizing eyes put me in a position
I can never stop expressing myself even ‘tough
I told you everything I could possibly say ,
in fact there are no words left inside of me
but your obstinacy still lead us to nowhere
one day you will regret the actions you are acting now
why do you 've to remain cold to me so long
I want you, I need you there ‘s no way that I m gonna stop
and you will never run out of my heart
even tough the word caring back is not in your dictionary
still I will remain wanting you all my life
you set the storm and left me in my stormy weather
even tough there ‘s time you never unpacked your bag
life is easy but you tend to make it so complicated
I didn’t mean to fall in love
I want to subscribe to you
I want to be adopted by you
feeling the way I do is a drag
it s so amazing when I see your photo you still warm my heart
you are my first and worst love
I just want you to know you stole my heart
even tough you see me with other girls, don’t think I don’t think of you
I hope he doesn’t hurt you like you are hurting me
I hope he doesn’t treat you as bad as you treat me
you have always been an orphan when it comes to love
but you know I treat you like a woman
what after all you have always deserved
and I wonder why you never believe what I have to say
I wonder how you trust perfect strangers more then you trust me
are you wrong in giving your love to an impossible thing??
and am I wrong to hold on to the best and worst feeling I ever had
just saying I love you doesn't compare to what I'm feeling inside
just let me give you what you have been longing for
you know that if I can ,I share with you all the time you like
I want to give you an intellectual, spiritual, physical love
enthusiasm, fire and an intensity which is larger-than-life
something which you never had and if it isn’t for me
I’m more than sure you will never have
day after day ,night after night
working out the slip of the way
I can fight the aching ness inside
what more can i say ,why do you have to turn me away?
I just want to be a part of your life
I don’t want to say goodbye, I just can’t let you go
I want to be your solid connection, a loyal partner I’m tired of living non-existing loves
you know I never tell you a lie
I never let you down, you are loosing the opportunity
you know that I am the only one who can give you
an overdose of love but you still don’t understand what love means
so you will never understand how it really feels
until you let me in your life
you are just amazed by attractions ,how much will it last?
am I wrong to fall so deep in love with you
I ‘ve got others depending on my love too
am I wrong to hunger for the gentleness of your touch
I’ve got others who need me just as much
but I don’t care about the others they are only stepping stones
it ‘s now that I realized that it’s only you I love
just let me know cos I don’t want to wait in vain for your love
but please don’t answer my questions with questions
I’m only looking for a miracle in my life
and for me the miracle is you
I’m sleeping with other women
but all I have in my mind is you
making love to them but I feel like I am making love to you
and so I start to kiss them from head to toes
and make them bring the woman in them
until they plead me to stop
I do it cos I feel that I’m doing it to you
I ve got masters in your satisfaction
I don’t want to stop pleasing you
I do anything, try everything
as long as it drives you to the seventh heaven
until I put you aflame with desire
nothing can stop the urge of passion
until the bed goes on fire
and then we take it slow let the feeling grow
until it overflow just let me know
how to give you everything you dream of
and I only want to do it in the name of love
take all the time needed and more to scrutinize
your body ,mind and heart.
and I’m tired of all this superficial, jealousy-ridden unions I want to dedicate my everything
to just one lady and the privileged lady is you
until then even tough its only water
my friend lie in the bottom of a glass
but never worry about the state of my heart
as long as you are happy I’m happy as well
I know I love you cos I want you to be happy
even if your happiness means that I’m not part of it.
I am ready to sacrifice all that you have left of me
just to have you close to me

Momentary Mistake of Samity-Chapter 2- if loving you is wrong I don't wanna be right -August 2000

if loving you is wrong I don't wanna be right 25/7-8/8/2000

You have changed the entire concept I have about life
made me forget all about my problems
and think, other than you, there’s nothing better
you are so sweet please guide me to your hive
I need you to shower all your honey over me
make me wanna spend every moment I have
with someone as beautiful as you
you make me feel like I should be the one who loves you forever
if there is time and disposition allowed from your side
I take my chances on you again and again
but the love I’m sending is not making it trough
I can’t read what for me you are feeling inside
your emotions you know so well how to hide
you know I respect your freedom and I never wanna tie you down
I never wanna force you but leave you free to decide
I just need some of your love
to guide me trough my days and nights
I only want to share everything with you ’cos I feel crazy for you
Lady you are my addiction, my fascination, my drug
so I can’t leave it all to luck
this fever I have for you is burning me up inside
no I can’t put my mind at rest, until I reach my destination
you put me once again on the floor, begging for more
I just pray the Lord that you feel something for me too
if you only let this flame burn into a love fire
that never stops us burn with flames of desire
you are so close, yet you are so far away
‘n I don’t care about anything else right now
all I care about is you, you are the dream that I have to make true
if you only knew how I long to touch your lips
wrap you in my loving arms and kiss you goodnight
Lady if loving you is wrong I don’t wanna be right
I swear it again, if loving you is bad, I wanna be a criminal
Lady all I wanna do is make love to your soul
massage the amazing beauty that in you lies deep
encourage the release of fantasies you no longer need to keep
become lost and absorbed in the thrill that we both can discover
as we take each other higher, more higher were there ‘ve been no other
I knock on the door and try to turn the key,
if you only open up your heart to me
turn off the light and light up all candles
in the fine light, you are more than shining
you hardly know me,so why
you don't give a chance to start out finding?
change the music put on some soul; leave me to see your body glow
let’s leave each other breathless,make each other feel shivers down our spine
we know the way how we can blow each others mind
until we can’t resist each other no more ‘n we lack strength to carry on
Lady all I wanna do is make love to your heart
reach your inner affection warmth and tenderness
just let me hold you, because you ache for caress
then I watch as more incomparable
and more stunning your love might grow
every time I hold your body,tightly pressed against my own
let your flesh melts in mine;
let’s enjoy each other’s wine
till all our love is overflowing
Lady, all I wanna do is make love to your mind
take you to all the destinations you crave to go
I want to calm all the fears that haunt you so
stimulate your thoughts and ideas you have inside
pull from you the things you no longer need to hide
I only want to make you feel what true love means
the physical is merely the path to your mind, soul and heart
warm your heart is simply where I need to start
at each tingle, blush, heart beat, heated rush I want to send
guide me and draw me to where your desires will never end
and there are so many thrills, chills and delights
if you could only be me lover as well as my best friend
we belong together nothing could be more fine
even ‘tough you put me in a position were I can’t control my trembling feet
you make me so angry, especially when you tease
help me understand, with you in which position I stand
sometimes you shine other times you just break me down
you never make it clear if I should stay or just disappear
I never manage to look straight in your eyes
‘cos when you look at me,lately,your eyes disprove my soul,’n I just feel weak
but when you smile at me I feel strong enough to conquer the world
all I taste is your pride and all I breathe is your atrocity
why do you have to act so arduous on my side?
I don’t think this is the way friends behave
you ‘re the closest to heaven that I can ever be
if you could only let me be
all I have to do is just plead out, so if I’m living I can see
I really feel abused, got flesh and bones but for you I’m the toy
I feel so brittle and fragile, like potter ware in your hand
only you have the power to make dull days bright with sunny rays
you have now become the mistress of my heart'
it is only your side that have to decide
stop letting me down, I hang on to you and when it’s good for you
if you could please blind me with your light
I lay down but I keep you in sight
this feeling I have I just can’t continue to fight
just thinking how beautiful it can be for the two of us
what are you waiting for? Together we stand divided we fall
You know how much I wish you allowed me to care
but I turn my head look for you but you’re not there
I feel hopeless but too tired to go to bed
It might be I’m crazy; maybe that’s why I can’t close my eyes
and when I manage to close them you come up again
on my mind every second of the day and night
I keep thinking about you ‘n it’s a show I don’t wanna miss
so I have to book another spectacle for the morning when I rise
I search again for the time on a clock with no hands
you spare a few words but there’s still darkness on the edge
I want to see you closer, can you please come closer than this
please don’t leave me visioning only dreams in the mist
if only I could turn back the hands of time
I would definitely swallow every word I said
these dream I’m having are frightening me, make me feel too sad
make me feel like living, without being alive ,without you
and I never believed that someone so beautiful, could ever hurt so bad

A Momentary Mistake of Sanity-Chapter 2- Shall we pray for time? July 2000

Shall we pray for time? 20-25/7/2000


If I could only reach your feelings
half as much as you reached mine
I have to conquer your love and mind
I’ve got to make you love me; I’ve got hooked on your line
this is the only achievement to what I must aim
I’ve got to fulfill it or else I ‘ll go insane
I just want to discover the method to make you see
that the love I have for you is more than real
you can find all the answers, if you just let me be
As far as my eyes can stretch to bear
only your shadow is surrounding me
I have nowhere to hide the land is bare
still I try again ‘n again, maybe I don’t loose
how come you share my deepest thoughts?
why do you follow me wherever I go?
I lead you to the water, but you are too blind to choose
In the new world that you discovered
it is simple to play tricks on anyone
it might look easy it might look fun
I know from experience, it can be deceptive
it can be misleading so you better be cautious
since anyone can be, whatever they pretend to be
I don’t want you to get hurt, that‘s my job
on the highway your imagination won’t stop
so you better slow down your voice ‘n hand
too many castle are build in the sand
and even tough you are going to get involved
he made you do it his way and you comply with
will he drive you to talk to the wind
or to hide the tears makes you catch the rain
if he ever come to meet you after such a long spree
even if to reach him 1000 seas you have to fly
still perfect strangers,you have to remain
he will still be the anthem of your pain
will you ever recognize him in his disguise?
will you ever figure out the lies?
who will calm the storms in your eyes?
will a couple of days be enough?
and after all the fuss you ‘re making
can you bear the agony of love?
will he ever remember your name?
will you ever have the strength to tell?
when his empty heart echoes in your wishing well
And then whom would you blame?
you ‘ll say all man are the same?
you know that I’m not that type of guy
when it comes to feelings
I never hide behind a different name
who is so stupid or knows so well how to play games
to put his job
ahead of a lady which should be elevated on top
what happened in the last 2 years he’s trying so hard to hide
why he doesn’t want you to meet him at his place
he is the expert of illusions, the fantasy man
with magic touch in voice and hand
there’s no difference if you don’t know what you’ve got
‘n what’s gone
you are the queen of dreams with heart of stone
and you are so blind to see what you are gonna loose
it’s a wheel of fortune; it’s a big ship of dreams
but go ahead you ‘ve got to taste it
they say we only learn from mistakes
but remember one day you’ve got to face it
who’s gonna look for the light
when you loose it from your sight
who’s gonna be waiting there for you?
who’s gonna pick you up from the ground?
when it all crashes down
who’s gonna wipe the tears you ‘re gonna cry?
who’s will ever understand and worship you as good as I?
who you ‘re gonna fantasies about, when you ‘re alone in your bed?
to who you ‘re gonna reach out when you need someone to hold
I bet you know beige plastic is pretty cold
in your puzzlement, you can’t figure out,
that in the far corner here I lie
you know you made my hands tights
maybe it will be to late when you discover that I’m your pot of gold
A lot of things in our world go click
but only you know how to click me into place
how can we remain just friends? I release a friend
but you, I wanna be in you, be a part of you
but I look in your direction and you never pay any attention
keep on shooting me I’m your favourite target
you can search the whole land
but you ‘ll never find anything like me
if you want to taste what true love means, you have to come to me
I’m sorry I act so hard but can I be more sincere
and this is what I feel right now
I feel that you are too special
and ready to wait for you a lifetime
it is not only a matter of jealousy but also because I care
I expect you know that this not my style
I had to do something
I don’t want anybody to mislead you with a lie
you put yourself trough a lot of hard times lately
but who am I to judge you in what you say or do?
I never intend to hurt you’cos I feel like you just the same
probably one day we will both say that being in love is a game
you want someone who can never exist
and I need someone who gives love a bad name.
you make people think that being in love is a shame
but mark my words
you are the one who’s gonna miss
end up disappointed
no one will ever shower you with love better than this

A Momentary Mistake of Sanity - Chapter 1- You are someone I want created out of someone I need July 2000

You are someone I want created out of someone I need (15-21/7/2000)

I see you hiding, behind the candle flame
your eyes gleaming that certain mystery
I see you laugh and you make me see
that ‘tough it’s an uphill struggle ,life is worth living
but only if I see you standing behind me.
I recall I saw you when I was singing
I didn’t recognize you at first
but the light from your eyes ,’tough broken
made me see that it had to be you
and once again my heart got stolen

if only I could see inside your heart, inside your mind
if I could read your emotions ,so I won’t make mistakes
‘cos to see you sad ,it’s the only thing I can’t stand
let me know ,if there is anything that I need to mend
I need you ,like I never needed anyone before
when you say there ‘s hope ,I start seeing the shore
tell me if I should start reading the next chapter
or just stare at the picture wall
even tough tomorrow, appear so far away
I’m more than willing to wait forever
but you always leave me with something left to say

I love your quality of being female
you ‘re the wings that fly my heart
I love your strength, your power
you ‘re the tone in my weary voice
I love the way you make feel like a rat in a maze
you ‘re the dream that will never die
I love your intense emotion
you ‘re the feel flowing in my touch
These feelings caught me by surprise
and I don’t want to make it too difficult for you to realize
sorry I’m acting unjust again ,and for you that’s not fair
you need a break ,hopefully time will tell
and the love I wanna give you ,is very rare
how can that be that you make me see all my life?
with just one look ,I just feel hypnotized

I love the way you delve into me,
you ‘re my shelter in the rain
I love your charm ,your efficiency
you are the passion in my veins
I love your passion ,your sensuality
you ‘re the spark that lights my smile
I love the way you are so complicated
you ‘re the wisdom in my mind

what I have discovered is that just need someone like you
if you only knew ,what you really mean to me
if you only knew how much rewarding it is to love
you say that loving you is a dirty job
but you are too unique and you make me feel so good
so it’s a road ,I ‘m more than ready to go trough
just look at it this way ,to me you are more then special
so please would you please stop expressing regret on yourself